34 Ways to Make $Guap$


Serving is a sacrifice, you work and I play. That’s the deal, right? Right. You want to play with the big girls? Yes, I know you do, so you better find a way to divvy up some extra cash or else your broke ass can kick rocks. If you’re broke as a joke, this is how you should spend your days, nights and weekends in hopes you obtain enough to be able afford to PAY for my attention.  Pups really broke and thirsty for my attention can do any of the following to earn My Guap:

  • Get a Job/2nd Job - What a fucking concept! Go work for someone else and hand all your earnings over to me.

  • Take out a Loan - Do you have okay credit? A car you own with the title? Then by all means sacrifice that FICO score and take out a loan to make my life better.

  • Sell your hair- Do you have some long, greasy cave man locks? Grow that mop out as long as you can but the trick is to keep it long and as virgin as possible; so no dyes or perms. The BONUS: You will have some sissy material to work with while it grows out. Post an ad on here and make anywhere from $50 - 1k.

  • Recycle your old phone(s) - Bet you got a few ancient Nokia’s hidden somewhere around the house. You’d be surprised to know that you can actually get some cash if you decide to sell them. A lot of companies offer compensation for recycling old phones which are shipped somewhere to Asia and getting dismantled there. You can check the list of companies and possible earnings here.

  • Can you Cook? Invite people to dinner - If you have relatively impressive cooking skills and some room to host guests, sign up for Eat With – a cool new service connecting travellers with hosts around the world, who invite them to a small dinner party for a fixed fee. As a host, you can set a rate per guest, choose the time and dates when you are available to throw a feast and indicate the max amount of people you are ready to invite (usually less than 6).

  • Become a Test subject for clinical trials- It’s better to experiment on YOUR worthless body than on innocent animals and you’ll get paid for it. Hospitals and researchers rarely advertise clinical trials, so identifying a pay range is going to be a challenge. The trial pay outs vary and one trial could earn up to $1,000 per person but it’s important to think things through beforehand. NOT! I know I had you for a second LOL. Search here.

  • Become a part-time mover - Moving jobs are typically per request and you can always choose a suitable time for you to do them. A lot of moving companies allow you to create an account with them for a fee, list your services, rates, working hours etc., and get hired for temporary jobs. Find mover jobs.

  • Get paid 35$/hour to drive people around - Yes, that’s exactly how much you can make with Lyft – a cool app and service eliminating the need to use taxis. Users can just login from their phone and request a drive in all major cities in US. It’s faster and at least twice cheaper than calling the typical cab. You, as a driver, will get a notification and can take a lift request. You set your own working hours and earn 35$ per hour as the site says. Apply here.

  • Distribute leaflets - It sounds like a bit of a lame job, JUST LIKE YOU but some companies can offer you good money for giving away promotional staff or doing door drops. For say working 4-5 hours on the weekends, you can expect to earn somewhere between $40-$60 per 1.000 distributed leaflets.

  •  Sell your organs- Your kidneys are worth up to $5-10k a pop! It’s on the black market of course. “In 2009, an FBI bust in New Jersey unearthed a market where kidneys were ‘bought’ for $10,000 and sold for $160,000. In January 2015, a yearlong investigation saw the FBI raid a Chicago crematorium that was being investigated for body parts sale.” Read about it here.

  • Get cash rebates for scanning your receipts - You do buy groceries, cosmetics and other staff monthly, do you? Why don’t you earn some extra bucks for me doing that? Download a free Ibotta app, browse around and see what rebates there are offering if you scan and upload your recipient for a certain product they request. For instance, they offer 50 cents if you upload a picture of a recipient where you bought milk and offer $10 for a picture of a Best Buy receipt.

  • Sell your blood and/or plasma- It’s used to treat diseases like hemophilia and autoimmune disorders. Blood banks will pay anywhere from $20-$60 and you can “donate” twice a week. It’s a tiered system, so you’ll receive more the second time than the first time. Luckily you are so pathetic, I’m sure you won’t get disqualified for having any kind of STD’s. Read about it here.

  • Sell your bone marrow - Donors in Arizona, California, Hawaii, Guam, Idaho, Alaska, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington can get up to $3,000 per donation. Since a recovery period of 8 weeks is recommended, $18,000 can be made off of stem cell donation per annu and 8 weeks isn’t that long to sacrifice for my happiness right? I didn’t think so, Read about it here.

  • Test websites for money - A lot of big companies look for feedback on the usability of their websites and you can get paid doing that. Expect to earn somewhere from 10 cents for an assignment taking less than a minute, to $10-$15 when it comes to larger questionnaires requesting more of your time. Here’s a big list of sites where you can create an account and start earning cash. All the payments are typically made via PayPal either at the end of the month or when you have earned a certain sum.

  • Rent a Friend – You’re always so desperate for my attention, why don’t you give it to someone who truly wants it and get paid for it? Rent a Friend is an absolutely legit US service where people offer their friendship (and nothing more!) starting from $10 and up to $50 per hour. As Scott Rosenbaum, the creator of the service says: “Just to hang out with, go to a movie or restaurant with or find someone to show you around an unfamiliar town”.

  • Do odd jobs at Fiverr – For the truly desperate, do off jobs with Fiverr. At Fiverr you can offer any kind of service starting from $5. Register an account, browse around the gigs and offer something similar. Seriously, at this online marketplace you can sell and buy all sort of things from voiceovers to logo design to things like “I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend on Facebook for 2 days”. Write an attractive gig description clearly outlining what you’ll do for 5 bucks e.g. translate 200 words from French to English; add extras e.g. translated 300 words more for $5; deliver the order in just one day etc; add a payment method – Paypal or Payoneer and start promoting your gig and earning money!

  • See your notes – Are you a good writer? If you are good at writing notes and attended all lectures, you can sell your asserts to less committed students via Note Sale. You can create a listing for free, but the site will take a per cent from each of your sales. Typed notes in PDF/Text format sell best, yet it’s worth trying with scanned handwritten notes too if you have nice clear writing.

  • Sell your Feces - Yes, poop; which can be an abundant resource if you are hitting your daily fiber intake. Poop from a healthy donor is ‘transplanted’ to help treat difficult C. difficile infections. The feces used can help restore the imbalance caused by the antibiotics used to treat the infection. Companies will pay up to $40 per sample, and are required to give samples up to four times a week. A bonus of $50 is given for donating five days in one week. All this can add up to $13,000 per year. You still have to pass a stool screen and a blood screen to become a donor, read about it here

  • Sell old books the smart way – Got a bunch of old books lying around? Instead of just taking them to the thrift shop and receiving peanuts, try using BooksCounter app instead. Scan the book barcode, upload it to the app’s system and see which of 20+ different buyback companies offers the highest payout. Once you found the right company, all you have to do is fill in some basic information of how you’d like to get paid, download a free shipping label and pack up all the books to dispatch.

  • Do data entry jobs - This may include mere copy-pasting, minor text editing, data categorisation, translations and staff alike. You can work a few hours a day and earn some hundred bucks by the end of the month. Obviously, the total payout depends on how fast/good you are. Sign up to Click Worker if you can tolerate handling some boring, routine tasks in exchange for cash injections.

  • Become a Mystery Shopper - Go undercover to local stores, look around, take notes and sneaky pictures of stuff doing nothing, fill in the questionnaire afterwards and get your cash. You can get mystery shopping assignments via Mobee app (typically the payments are not that big, yet the tasks you need to do are simple too) or get an account with Market force – a more established website where you’ll need to carefully fill in an application form and pass a review process. The potential earning are much bigger.

  • Online surveys- Super time consuming, pennies on the dollar for loads of mental focus and concentration. A good punishment for being broke and lazy. Check it out here, pays in amazon gift cards.

  • Sell your wardrobe – Got a bunch of clothes lying about? Or wanting to cut back for me? Clothes you no longer wear shouldn’t pile up around the house, when they can be turned into cash asserts. You can either organize a yard sale yourself (which is kind of a hassle), or better sell the items through ThredUp, which will pay somewhere around $2-$25 for staff from Gap, Banana Republic, H&M, etc. You can browse around to see how much different items are worth.

  • Sell all your old CDs, movies and games - Again you might be surprised to know that some companies pay cash for your old compact discs. Music Magpie will pay you somewhere between a few cents to over ten bucks for all your old staff. It’s a nice way to finally de-clutter your home too!

  • Teach classes online - Are you more of an idiot savant compared to my supernal intelligence? If you are particularly good at somethings, say map design, capable of creating a series of video lessons, you can become a tutor at Skill Share. You’ll be in good company with folks like Seth Godin and James Franco among others. You don’t need to have prior teaching experience, just skills and passion about what you do. SkillShare tutorials and 30 days teaching challenge will help you create a winning video tutorial. Your earnings will depend on the popularity of your course, but even low attendance will let you earn some decent money. Sign up here.

  • Sell handmade and vintage items on Etsy- Found some retro clothes in your grandma’s chest or made a few cool brooches your friends admire? Become an Etsy seller to earn money for your crafts. Opening your shop, listing products and prices takes less than 30 minutes. It costs 0.20$ to list one item in your shop for 4 month (or till it sales) and Etsy takes 3.5% commission from each sale you make.

  • Vinyl Decals - Get paid to drive your car- wrap your vehicle with an advertiser’s message and make $300 to $900 a month, by applying here.

  • Become a field agent - Get paid to do small tasks around town for different clients by becoming a Field Agent. Those usually involve scanning barcodes with your Phone, checking prices at your local drug store and conducting field surveys. Your earnings vary from assignment to assignment and depend on the area you are based in. For example, one listing offers $9 for 4 pictures of any products in the toothbrush section of the local Target in Mission Viejo, CA; while taking one picture of $19.99 & under video game display taken in any Toys “R” in NYC will earn you $5.50.

  • Become a language tutor online - Did you know that English language practice is in high demand in Asia? Sites like allows teachers to list their rates and services, schedule classes and provide you with tools to conduct them in real time. You can expect to make $15-20 per hour which isn’t that shabby, right?

  • Sell my Ass? - Why of Course. Get on Craigslist and find some odd jobs. Help an old lady move or suck off some dudes behind Walmart or tacky grocery store.

    • Niteflirt- Men home alone> gay> Put up some sexy pics and wait for the phone to ring! “Please I’ll do ANYTHING, Daddy!”

  • Sell ALL your worldly prized possessions- Have a bunch of Knick knacks, signed baseball cards or gloves, bats or hats? Then show how much you are dedicated to me by selling that shit via Ebay, garage sale, craigslist. Sell your stuff; you don’t need stuff when your Goddess wants and needs things that are more important.

  • Match Betting - Try match betting. It’s an absolutely legit, risk and tax free technique. The system works by taking advantage of free bets vastly offered by online betting sites through ‘matching’ them at a betting exchange. Matched betting eliminates the risk as you are betting both for and against a certain result at the same time! Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you get started with this. Don’t forget you have to be over 21 (18) to bet!

  • Recycle- Collect cans and bottles and practice being homeless. It’s best to start now. (Tip- apparently baseball games are a gold mine!)

  • Sell Weed, Crack or create a meth lab - I don’t give a fuck. Just make my money.



DO NOT even think about it. YOU ARE PROHIBITED for any reason, to think that it is OK, let along act on selling your contaminated, ignominious, inferior genetic makeup. NO ONE I repeat NO ONE wants your rancid sperm. There will be No sperm selling EVER,

You should all be castrated; NO EXCEPTIONS!